"Love isn't certain, it comes right out the blue, and when she casts her spell, there's nothing you can do"

The title of this post comes from one of my favourite music producer's, Sub Focus. The song "out the blue" featuring Alice Gold has such a happy feel, that when you're singing along to it, sometimes you don't even realise what you're singing. But is there really nothing we can do once 'love' takes hold of us?

Too many times I hear people say to others "Ahh, you'll get over it", "They aren't worth it", "You're better than that". I've been guilty of telling my broken friends these things, but when we are told them ourselves, they seem the most appalling pieces of advice in the world. We don't want to listen, because we are somehow convinced that it won't get better and someone else won't come along. Well, they might, but they will never be them. But somewhere down the line, we reach the destination, after the long bumpy road of heartbreak. We reach a stopping point, where enough is enough. It's time to throw away the broken record, and buy a new one, throw away the old ideas, and replace them with fresher ones. It almost becomes like some kind of epiphany, as if somehow, you've finally seen the light.

I'm writing this post because that is exactly what happened to me. After being tirelessly beaten down for being who I was born to be, I snapped, and effectively felt like this:

I was totally done with crying over someone who seemingly didn't care a single bit about me. But it came so much later down the line than I ever thought it would. I always saw myself as a strong person, and thought something as stupid as a break up would never get me down, but it did. I realise that I was not weak, my strength just temporarily got questioned. But I answered the uncertainty, when I was laid in a hospital bed, with drips coming out of my hand and arm. In my time of need, when I wanted the person I loved to just smile at me and tell me I would be OK, I was shut down in the worst way possible. That was it for me. All the tireless trips to hospitals and physio appointments, all the hugs and tears, relief and worry that I went through for him...I was in no way repaid. The response? "We aren't together now". It questioned my belief in humanity slightly if truth be told. If it comes down to certain conditions, in order to show a shred of care, then who can you turn to? Building my physical strength back up, helped my mental strength to prosper and I realised it was not a case of humanity, it was a singular case of stupidity and selfishness. And there it was. The final realisation that what I had been in love with doesn't exist anymore, and probably never did. So is it right to say that there's nothing you can do?

Granted it took an extreme situation for me to realise this, and I wonder whether I would still be in an addictive thought spiral of thinking it would eventually work out if I hadn't have been admitted into hospital. But there seems to be a plan for everyone, and in most cases I have seen, including myself, the person who was left the most broken, does actually end up coming up better. I have learnt an awful lot about myself, and I have battled the hardest fight of my life, and I do feel now like I have won.

My advice? Wait it out. Don't be ashamed that it might take longer than what society expects. It was never society's heart...it was yours. Busy your mind, get yourself out of bed, dry your eyes and think: